In her memoir Girl Walks Out of a Bar, attorney Lisa F. Smith shares a deeply personal and raw account of her struggles with alcohol and cocaine addiction. Smith’s story is not just about addiction; it’s about the fear of judgment and stigma that many professionals, especially in high-pressure fields like law, face when confronting substance use disorders (SUD) and mental health issues. Her journey from secrecy and shame to recovery and openness serves as a powerful testament to the importance of support and understanding in the workplace.
Smith’s descent into addiction was marked by a profound fear of discovery. As her life spiraled out of control, she recognized the need for professional help. However, the thought of her law firm discovering her struggles filled her with dread. “As I passed off my immediate projects for coworkers to handle, I thanked God for the privacy laws that prevented the firm from questioning me about my health,” Smith recalls. The fear of being seen as “weak, defective, and untrustworthy” overshadowed her need for help, reflecting a common concern among legal professionals.
This fear is not unfounded. The legal profession is known for its rigorous demands and high expectations, where any sign of vulnerability can be perceived as a career-ending flaw. Smith’s reluctance to reveal her addiction was rooted in the stigma associated with substance use disorders within the legal community. “It wasn’t just because I was ashamed, which I was,” Smith explains, “it was also because of the stigma attached to substance abuse by lawyers. If they found out, overnight I’d go from being viewed as hardworking and smart to weak, defective, and untrustworthy.”
During her recovery, Smith’s therapist suggested that she consider being open about her struggles at work, emphasizing that addiction is a disease, not a personal failing. “You told me that you spend a significant amount of time at work. Don’t you think it will be better if the people you’re with every day know that you’re in the earliest stages of recovery? There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” the therapist advised. However, Smith’s response reflects the harsh reality many in her profession face: “Yea, I get that, but no. It’s not OK in a big law firm. We talk about alcoholics behind their backs. I know that sounds bad, but nobody cares that it’s a disease. It’s considered a weakness, and they always find a way to cut the weak from the herd. I’ll come clean anywhere but at work.”
But, years later, after achieving sobriety and beginning to write publicly about her addiction and recovery, Smith shared her story with her colleagues and realized that she had a strong support system in the legal field. “I trusted and respected them. I didn’t want them to learn my story on the Internet. It was difficult to share, but the response I received was overwhelmingly positive. I am lucky to be in a compassionate and supportive environment,” she reflects.
Smith’s experience highlights the importance of workplace culture in supporting individuals who are struggling with SUD or mental health issues. The legal profession, like many others, is evolving to become more compassionate and supportive. There has been a growing recognition of the importance of mental health and well-being within the legal profession. Initiatives aimed at reducing stigma and promoting wellness are becoming more prevalent, signaling a positive shift in the industry, but we can always do more to help reduce the stigma.
As the Clinical Director at the Ohio Lawyers Assistance Program (OLAP), I have worked with many judges, magistrates, and lawyers who share Smith’s fears. They are often afraid that their employers will find out about their SUD or mental health issues, fearing the professional consequences that might follow.
OLAP is a resource that supports attorneys, judges, and law students dealing with these issues. OLAP is 100% confidential, so you can ensure that no one else will know that you asked for help. If we ever get calls about certain OLAP clients, we tell them “We cannot confirm or deny knowing that individual.” This confidentiality is also true for therapists.
However, one of the most critical messages I convey to OLAP clients is that recovery is possible, and it can be achieved privately. The most important thing to focus on is one’s recovery, not the potential judgments of others. There are numerous resources available that can help individuals recover while maintaining their privacy. For instance, therapists who offer weekend appointments, telehealth services, or sessions in another county provide a discreet way to seek help without the fear of being discovered by colleagues or employers.
Recovery is not a one-size-fits-all journey, and it’s crucial for each person to find the path that works best for them. Whether through in-person counseling, telehealth, or other forms of therapy, the key is to take that first step toward recovery. It’s important to remember that seeking help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength and self-awareness. By prioritizing recovery, individuals can reclaim their lives and careers, proving that they are more than their struggles.
Substance use disorder is a disease, not a moral failing, and it should be treated as such. By fostering an environment of understanding and support, the legal community can begin to break down the barriers that prevent so many from seeking help. Colleagues and employers can play a crucial role in this by encouraging openness and creating a culture where it’s safe to admit when one is struggling.
Ultimately, Lisa F. Smith’s memoir is not just a story of addiction; it’s a story of hope, resilience, and the power of support. Her journey reminds us that recovery is not just about getting better—it’s about reclaiming your life and proving that you are more than your struggles. By prioritizing recovery, seeking help, and challenging the stigma within the legal community, professionals can overcome these challenges and emerge stronger on the other side.
The path to recovery may be daunting, but it is not insurmountable. With the right support, legal professionals can navigate this challenging time while protecting their privacy and preserving their careers. Recovery is not a destination; it’s a journey—a journey that is worth every step. And as more individuals like Lisa F. Smith share their stories, the legal profession will continue to evolve, becoming a place where recovery is not just possible but embraced.
The Judicial Advisory Group can help
If you are a judge or magistrate who needs help, contact the Judicial Advisory Group, a peer-based confidential assistance group that helps judges and magistrates with personal and professional issues. For more information, go to www.ohiolap.org/judges or call (800) 348-4343.
OLAP can help
If you are a legal professional who is unhappy, depressed, suffering from substance use disorder, burnout, or stress, and you believe it is affecting your life, the Ohio Lawyers Assistance Program can provide CONFIDENTIAL help. For more information, go to ohiolap.org or call (800) 348-4343.
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